Moving Back Home

IMG_20170717_173237_059Life has been so full of hectic things going on lately. I finished summer quarter, have read tons of books, working with Thor on some new routines to go into Fall with, and having plenty of adventures with my mom before she goes back to work at the local high school.

Today I went to a wedding. The wedding was for one of Dasa’s good friends who is marrying a girl I went to high school with. Unsure of who I was going to run into and who would be attending the wedding – I started to worry about who I was going to run into there. Two of the bridesmaids were girls I went to high school with. One I was friends with, the other I was not. Who else was going to be there? I had been sweating it for a while, but the bride went through the trouble to invite us and drop an invite in our mailbox – a personal touch that really resonated with me. We had to go. This was important. My husband needed to reconnect after he “vanished” when he started working nights when we started dating and I needed to build relationships.

A couple days ago, I stopped at a local coffee stand. My husband grew up with the two women who own it and I knew I could get a good Americano there no doubt. I needed that. The barista was someone I went to high school with and interaction had always been awkward – but today, the need for espresso was greater than my feelings towards people I went to high school with. She causally asked me how I was and how my day was. I was kind in return (I always am, it’s refreshing actually) and grabbed my coffee and drove off. That felt good. Who I was no longer mattered and the fact that we were able to come to a peace felt good. I knew that I needed to come to peace with my past, my mistakes I made before I ran away to college, and move on. I moved back home, I had to confront it and just accept it. People would forgive and move on. Others may not be so quick to do so and that is fine. However, I needed to stop worrying about what others still thought of me. I need to forget the past and be myself.

When I was young, I was stupid. I was in a relationship with someone right before leaving for college and he was not doing well with that. We were having issues early on and I, stupidly, wanted to have fun for the summer. I ended up hooking up with someone I had been on and off with, my first, someone I thought I loved and it my former best friend (who eventually introduced me to her cousin who I happened to marry – she is still upset that we ended up together) told my then-boyfriend. It got on Facebook and the next thing I knew – everyone knew what happened. Good thing, I left two days later for college – moving six hours away and ready to start a different life, with a fresh start.

I have been running from the past ever since and when I moved back several months ago, I had been hiding from it. I’ve never accepted it and thought that others wouldn’t either.

However, once I felt that I needed to come to peace with my past and move forward, create a life here – back home, I felt at peace. The wedding was a blast. Everyone was kind and wonderful, we talked to many different people and built relationships (reconnected on D’s part) that will hopefully last much longer than those in high school did. Sometimes, you just have to breathe and accept that moving on is best.

The hardest part of moving on from the past is letting go the perceptions that others have of you, especially in a small town. Once it happens and you let go of that past, you are free. Everyone changes, well, for the most part.

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Current Readings & Summer Reading!

I do a lot of reading. A LOT of reading. Lately, it has been mostly required reading for my English major, however, I do have ambitious plans for the (short) summer break that I get. However, I also wanted to discuss the two books I am reading now that are incredible.

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Currently, I am reading Born a Crime by Trevor Noah for my self-writing class. No wonder this book is a freaking bestseller. From the first paragraph written, I am pulled in and completely breathless. This book has knocked the breath right out of me. Noah writes about growing up in apartheid South Africa  and the liberation afterwards. He is born of a black mother and a white father. Noah brings you into a world that none of us born in the United States can begin to understand. His perspective has opened my eyes and knocked the breath out of me. I have read many books since I began reading at 2 years old, but this one takes the cake. I cannot put it down, not because the suspense but how I crave his perspective of a world I don’t understand and his honesty of a life that I will never know. Read. This. Book.

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At the same time, I am reading Alligator Candy by David Kushner for the same class (an individual project). This book is also incredible. Kushner writes about the tragedy of losing his older brother, Jon to a gruesome kidnapping and murder. His perspective as a family member of a victim is incredibly powerful. I haven’t finished the book, but he investigates his brother’s murder using his skills as a journalist. So far, the book reads beautifully. He is honest and focused on the facts, a true journalist. Not only that, but he brings so much powerful emotional honesty that leaves you speechless but with such a heavy heart. This book is fantastic.

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My reading for the short summer! Before I go off to my lake vacation, I will be finishing a book I started: That Woman: The Life of Wallis Simpson, Duchess of Windsor. Watching a lot of documentaries made me interested in this woman who stole the heart of a King who chose her over the throne. I started the book awhile ago, but because of class and reading – I couldn’t finish it. I will be continuing and hopefully finishing it before going onto my lake vacation. All of these books are ones that I’ve been dying to read. I’m anticipating them to be easy reads for the summer. Some of mystery and intrigue and others of captivating stories. Sherman Alexie’s memoir is one that I have been dying to read – one of my favorite authors I crave his writing. Stay tuned for my currently readings!