Some days, I feel like I am a better cat mom than a human mom. Cats are easy. You leave out their food, make sure they have water refilled, clean the litter box, and and snuggle with them every now and then. A human mom is different than that, a little bit more goes into a human.
Sometimes I feel like a bad mom. Being a student and a mother are two different roles that are difficult enough on their own. However, I had two options when I became a mom. Work 50+ hours a week and put my son into daycare or go back to college for career and a cause that I am passionate about and put my loans into deferment. I opted for wanting to be involved in educating angsty American teenagers because that is important to me.
Some days, I feel overwhelmed. He wants up and down, has a full blown meltdown when I know he is tired and needs a nap, he screams if you leave him for a second, and if I am using the laptop – forget getting anything done without him standing and trying to touch the keyboard. He is a really easy baby, most of the time. He sleeps really well, he plays on his own extremely well, he can always find things to do, he is a great snuggler when he wants to be one, and he never fights a bottle when he is hungry. We manage to do a really good job together.
I do enjoy the days where my house is quiet and I do not have to tip-toe throughout the house. I like being able to focus on classwork and not worry about when he is going to wake up or getting as much done as I can before I hear his cry. I feel bad when I drop off my son for the day, I feel slight relief. I know that I can productive without feeling like I am trying to herd a bunch of cats.
It is just a phase. He just wants to be held all the time, which comes from the teeth that are coming in. No one ever tells you that the first four are a piece of cake – it’s the rest that are hell.
I know that I am a really good cat mom, but I feel bad for needing a break from my son. I never think about needing a break from my cats. Then again, Loki enjoys sleeping on the bed I situated for them and Jax sleeps under the comforter on our bed most of the day. Sure, they sound like elephants when they chase each other up and down the hallway, but that is the only annoying thing they really do. The only doubting I did was when Jax was messing on the floor in the backroom and I knew that maybe I was neglecting his needs more than I should be. He is special after all. Cats are a breeze, which is probably why I like them so much.
This is just a phase with Thor. The teeth will come in, he will start to walk, and things will get easier – he will move onto the next phase, but we can work with that. The phases aren’t the aspects of motherhood that exhaust me. It is when he feels needy and needs mom all day and all night, when he screams bloody murder for a nap. Those are the moments that wear me out. But he always goes back to his usual independent self and his three hour naps twice a day. It is just getting past this little mood.
I do the best I can and that’s all I can do as a mom, right? At least I’m not a drug addict, alcoholic, or neglect my child. I mean, I could be a real bitch here. Secretly, I love being a mom. I love holding my son and watching him grow. Some days are just a little rough compared to others. That is when having a mother-in-law ten minutes away is a real benefit.
Confessions of a Twenty Something Mom 