Babies are People too

As a parent, I think a lot about what I want to implement regarding my child. He is just a baby, so there is time to think a lot about this. However, my husband and I have decided that since Thor is overwhelmed by big groups of people, we let him decide if he wants to go to someone. If they bring out their hands and he leans and reaches for them, we allow him to go to them, if not – we respect his decision.

20170704_134120This is one thing that my mother-in-law and I were on the same page about. She did the same thing with my husband and I really liked that we felt the same way regarding that. It is a great way that they can test out their own boundaries and learn to say “no” and have that “no” be respected. My mother-in-law has a bigger family and there are plenty of people wanting to hold the baby. However, after a bit and getting to know them, he begins to go to everyone.

My mother’s family is a different story. I specifically told my mom our rule and how important we felt this was. She completely agreed with me. My mom is typically good about listening to what I feel is important for my son. However, when it comes to her family – it all goes out the window. For my mom’s family, her sister is baby crazy. My aunt really had nothing to do with me until I got pregnant and the baby was on the way. Now, she always wants to hold him. It was no big deal when he was very little because he just liked to be held by everyone, but now that he is inching closer to that one year mark, he is a little pickier and groups overwhelm him because he doesn’t know or remember others. My mom hands him over to her at a Father’s Day lunch without him going to her. I was furious, but what was I going to do? Yell at my mom later and tell her that she needs to abide by what I specifically instruct? No. That isn’t going to help, no matter what. So, I back off and tell my mom that her sister has been really bothering me when it comes to my son. Mom brushes it off saying that her sister loves babies and never got to have anymore kids other than her only son.

Well, that’s no excuse for her to act baby crazy with an 8 month old little boy who wants nothing to do with her. So, yesterday at a family party, she reached out for my son. He was with my husband and Thor just stared at her blankly and didn’t put out his arms despite the fact that she did not get the hint. She continued to reach her arms out and Thor continued to stare blankly at her. I finally had to explain that we are allowing him to make his own calls. She was upset.

How can someone be upset when the parents are working on implementing something with their own child? I get that you’re family, but he doesn’t know you well enough. I’m not going to hand him over when he is just going to cry after a couple seconds of being in her arms. I find it extremely disrespectful as another person to have someone question my parenting only because they want to desperately hold a baby. Babies are wonderful to hold, but if they are old enough to understand when they want to go to someone and when they don’t – then that needs to be respected. Babies are people too. We just need to remember that.

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Things I Think While Scrolling Through Social Media

  1. Are there really cats out there who like water?
  2. Posts about Chris Cornell’s death are still too sad for me to read.
  3. Are foil pack dinners really worth attempting?
  4. I GET IT YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND. GOOD FOR YOU.
  5. Norwegians are bad ass. Thank god I am one.
  6. Is there something wrong with me that I haven’t done all this traveling in my life? How do people even afford to get flights?!
  7. Black cats make the best cat memes
  8. If Kate Middleton is in the post, I will definitely stop to read it.
  9. Obama’s hair is white now. Can we have him back now?
  10. I wonder if D would let me have another cat…
  11. That steak dinner tasty makes me want red meat.
  12. Why is someone posting that they are wearing only a jockstrap? Ew….
  13. I follow too many cat pages.
  14. Disney movies are completely inaccurate. How can I love something so ignorant? But really this post is super awesome. Check this out: http://postize.com/disney-princess-dress-accurate?utm_source=fMb7kD&utm_medium=partner&utm_campaign=social
  15. Ramen in recipes? I’m not sure how I feel about this.
  16. All of these baby name posts are getting really annoying.
  17. Is Kate Moss still a thing?
  18. Adam Lambert is playing with Queen?! What is a former American Idol contestant doing playing with Brian May?! WHAT?!
  19. I would definitely try to adopt a giraffe.
  20. Who cares that Beyonce had her twins? I do not. At all.
  21. I wonder if D would hate me if I brought home a kitten.
  22. I need to make my Costco list.
  23. I think my anxiety has gotten worse since Trump became President.
  24. I get it. You’re “fine” with being single and the single life is so awesome…
  25. I need Prime Now to service my area after looking at Thai food recipes…

Also, check out this super cool trend that women in India are doing that has gone viral! This is AWESOME. http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-40404102?ocid=socialflow_facebook&ns_mchannel=social&ns_campaign=bbcnews&ns_source=facebook

I think my insomnia is in for the long haul tonight…

Better Cat Mom or Human Mom?

Some days, I feel like I am a better cat mom than a human mom. Cats are easy. You leave out their food, make sure they have water refilled, clean the litter box, and and snuggle with them every now and then. A human mom is different than that, a little bit more goes into a human.

Sometimes I feel like a bad mom. Being a student and a mother are two different roles that are difficult enough on their own. However, I had two options when I became a mom. Work 50+ hours a week and put my son into daycare or go back to college for career and a cause that I am passionate about and put my loans into deferment. I opted for wanting to be involved in educating angsty American teenagers because that is important to me.

Some days, I feel overwhelmed. He wants up and down, has a full blown meltdown when I know he is tired and needs a nap, he screams if you leave him for a second, and if I am using the laptop – forget getting anything done without him standing and trying to touch the keyboard. He is a really easy baby, most of the time. He sleeps really well, he plays on his own extremely well, he can always find things to do, he is a great snuggler when he wants to be one, and he never fights a bottle when he is hungry. We manage to do a really good job together.

I do enjoy the days where my house is quiet and I do not have to tip-toe throughout the house. I like being able to focus on classwork and not worry about when he is going to wake up or getting as much done as I can before I hear his cry. I feel bad when I drop off my son for the day, I feel slight relief. I know that I can productive without feeling like I am trying to herd a bunch of cats.

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It is just a phase. He just wants to be held all the time, which comes from the teeth that are coming in. No one ever tells you that the first four are a piece of cake – it’s the rest that are hell.

I know that I am a really good cat mom, but I feel bad for needing a break from my son. I never think about needing a break from my cats. Then again, Loki enjoys sleeping on the bed I situated for them and Jax sleeps under the comforter on our bed most of the day. Sure, they sound like elephants when they chase each other up and down the hallway, but that is the only annoying thing they really do. The only doubting I did was when Jax was messing on the floor in the backroom and I knew that maybe I was neglecting his needs more than I should be. He is special after all. Cats are a breeze, which is probably why I like them so much.

This is just a phase with Thor. The teeth will come in, he will start to walk, and things will get easier – he will move onto the next phase, but we can work with that. The phases aren’t the aspects of motherhood that exhaust me. It is when he feels needy and needs mom all day and all night, when he screams bloody murder for a nap. Those are the moments that wear me out. But he always goes back to his usual independent self and his three hour naps twice a day. It is just getting past this little mood.

I do the best I can and that’s all I can do as a mom, right? At least I’m not a drug addict, alcoholic, or neglect my child. I mean, I could be a real bitch here. Secretly, I love being a mom. I love holding my son and watching him grow. Some days are just a little rough compared to others. That is when having a mother-in-law ten minutes away is a real benefit.

 

 

Even as a Post-Bacc, I Still Use Google for Definitions

I am currently back in college as a post-baccalaureate student. Google defines this as: “a matriculated status, reserved for students who are working toward a second bachelor’s degree or preparing for entrance to graduate or professional school.” Technically, the UW defined this, but this was what Google gave me.

It is hard for me. The work is not difficult. I enjoy being an English student because I love books and literature. However, it is hard being a post-bacc student in a class of undergrads. I was once one of them, working towards that little piece of paper that could change my life. Well, here I am, back in college. I have a Bachelor’s in Communication Studies from a top private university on the west coast. I have done several research studies on social media, studied rhetoric and persuasion, focused on intercultural communication, and have incredible public speaking skills. I have worked for two top west coast companies and have experiences that most people at 24 do not. I feel that I have lived a full life already and I have more to go.

Being in a classroom with undergrads is difficult. I already have vastly different values, goals, and experiences than those who have not graduated do. I am a mom, a wife, I have a degree, I have move away and moved back home, and I have married someone who does not have a college education, but someone I respect deeply regardless. When I was in their situations, I would have never guessed my life to turn out the way it did and I am glad it did – otherwise I would probably have more issues than I do.

I have a hard time connecting with others. I connect with a few people and that is all. So, not only do I have a hard time connecting with others already, but it becomes more difficult because of how differently my life is than to my peers. They are not able to identify with my anxieties of being a parent, a wife, a cat mom, and a student who already has a degree. That’s fine, I do not need someone to be able to identify with me. I do not need someone to be my friend. However, it kills me that I have pushed myself to interact with others in a classroom setting (because my professors from my alma mater made me for a solid participating grade) and the effort is not reciprocated. I don’t want to talk to them. I don’t want to tell them what I think because I know they won’t have anything to say back. I do not want to participate. I want to read books and write papers. However, I do it anyway because I know it is important to the education process. I have learned so much from class discussions to know they are important. If I am making the effort and it makes me want to stab my eyes out – the least they can do is help me out here.

I am not there to make friends. I am not there to tell them how to think. I am there because I want an A, but also participation means perspective and when someone gives you a perspective that you haven’t thought about – your life can change. When a simple belief you have can be questioned and can be argued by someone else – they are giving you a different way of thinking about the idea that you have not thought about before. Maybe you really start to second guess what you believed or maybe you disagree – but that is important. It is important to question everything otherwise we believe what we are told to believe.

Wow, that went differently than I expected that thought to, but it is true. Maybe it is because of my life experiences that I am open minded to all possibilities. I would rather hear someone disagree with me and be able to fight for what I believe than be fed something not know why I believe what I believe.

Anyway, I should probably finish that last history paper. Financial aid thinks that I am credit deficient because I am in a self-paced class. Assholes.

Currently Reading

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Currently, I have been reading Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson for my writing studies class. We have been reading this book in order to discuss genre in self-writing. This book has really resonated with me as a person who chooses to not discuss my personal struggles with anxiety. For once, I knew that the thoughts concerning social interactions, exhaustion from social interactions, refusing to answer the door bell and funny cat stories were not contained to me alone. While Jenny’s stories will often having you laughing out loud (in a good way), she does delve into her mental illnesses and how they have affected her life, but also how she deals with them and can overcome them. She has so much inspiration, but her inspiration is normalizing mental illness and explaining to us (her readers) that it’s okay to have our bad days, our depressed days, but emphasizes the fact that she has network of people when she needs someone to talk her down off the ledge. I find that Jenny’s writing is very genuine and I find myself identifying with her and her various situations.

Reading for me is a way to escape my world and enter someone else’s, but this book really made me reflect on my own life and interactions. It gave me some good advice on dealing with depression and anxiety while trying to be a good mother. This was unlike any book I’ve ever read and I am so glad that I read it, even if it was for a class. I highly suggest everyone read this book even if they have never experienced or understood depression and anxiety.

Actual Conversation Part 1

This is an actual conversation my husband and I engaged in over the weekend through text message.

Me: We are all napping now. Loki is on his bed and Jax is underneath the comforter

D: Lazy asses

Me: We are happy kitties here

D: You’re human

Me: I’m NOT.

Me: I have the personality of a cat who happens to LOVE dogs and not humans.

D: You’re weird.

Me: You’re mean. Take that back.

D: I am not mean.

Me: Take it back!

D: Ok I take it back.

Me: Thank you.

Because marriage is really having odd conversations about why you truly believe that you are a cat trapped in a human body. It’s not your fault that you make friends with every cat – it’s almost like they just KNOW.

A Comeback. Kind of.

I meant to blog about being a mom, wife, and whatever else I wanted to write about months ago, but I decided to be busy and not have time. I guess. Currently, I am taking a course discussing self-writing and reading memoirs and autobiographies. So, the book we are reading has inspired me to blog again and blog about my life as it happens. So, here are some things on my mind currently…

  1. I am pretty sure my three year old male cat has mental illness. He hates people he doesn’t know, hides under the bed, sometimes can only deal with three head rubs exactly, and is not as smart as normal cats. Apparently, talking calmly, cleaning his litter box out twice a day, and feeding him on time helps.
  2. Being a post-grad student in a class of undergrads is super difficult. Values, goals, and perspectives are different. They will never understand you, but you totally know what point in life they are at.
  3. My husband is super offensive, but I kind of like it. How fun would it be to have someone who agrees with you all the time?
  4. I am very tempted to wake up my husband to clean the pot of oil from when he made french fries, but I know I could possibly die if I wake him up right now.
Jax
Jax, my “special” cat.

 

 

While reading Jenny Lawson’s, Furiously Happy, I realized that I should just write about my life. I should write about the odd conversations my husband and I have, my uncanny ability to procrastinate, the values I want my son to grow up having, the fact that my pelvic ultrasound found a mass on my liver and I am overthinking it to the “n”th degree, and that marriage is hardest relationship you will have with another human being ever.

So, I’ll start blogging more. I hope.